My mum texted me this once.
Our relationship was largely based on piss taking, humour and being good mates. All of this was coupled with a casual trepidation around expressing how much we loved each other.
I won’t bore you with the details of my childhood, save to say I didn’t spend a lot of it with my mum.
But BOOZE. This is significant here.
My mum grew up with alcoholic parents, and at the age of 12, was groomed by an alcoholic 21 year old who she later went on to marry and who became my father. He drank throughout their “relationship”, and when she gave birth to me, he was too drunk to be allowed into the hospital to see me (as were my grandparents – my mum’s parents).
Long story short – mum became tired of dad’s boozing and abuse and left. Her parents later died. And guess what?
She didn’t take a fucking drink!
After ALL of that alcohol in her life, she never liked to touch the stuff. At “worst”, she would have one Malibu and coke and she hated it. She genuinely didn’t see the point in drinking. She didn’t hate booze – she simply and literally couldn’t see the point of it. I could never understand why – especially knowing what I know now about alcohol, and how ingrained in her life alcohol always was.
This brings me to my heading “why drink like that?”. As I’ve said, we always took the piss, had a joke and would text/FB:what’s app about ANYTHING (other than serious mother/daughter relationship stuff). My partner and I were in Spain on holiday a few years ago and I sent my mum a message detailing how we’d gotten so hammered we’d taken part in evening entertainment, stand-up etc, before puking “our rings up” (a phrase she loved).
I thought she’d reply with something like, “you fucking twat”. (A common text from her to me, booze related or not).
Instead, she replied with:
“Why drink like that?”.
I will never forget that message.
She never told me she thought I drank too much.
She never said anything about me boozing at all.
But if she can go through a life like that, and not even have a single desire to “dive bomb into a vat of booze”, why the fuck should I use this drug to dull my feelings of loss. Her current husband (not my drunken abusive father) was with her for 17 years. He drank daily until they got together. He stopped just like that – she didn’t even ask him to (she was that indifferent toward booze) – but he stopped because he was happy, and because she was enough for him.
I thought he would pour himself a bottle of whiskey when she died. It’s been 6 days and he hasn’t touched a drop.
I need to be present to arrange her funeral. She wouldn’t drink if I had died, so why the fuck should I drink after she has died. 😘😘